KMJKLC

Sometimes I think I’m incapable
But then I get this overwhelming
Feeling of
Love
It makes me nauseous
Seeing the pictures
Reminds me I am human
Smiles with friends
Remind me I am wanted
I feel like crying because

I don’t know why

The mask on my face is cracking
Clay is falling into my lap
Mixing into salty love and
Repression
I stuff it down my throat
Clogging it up
Sometimes it must fight back
The tears
Have gone
But my hands are shaking
That music video really got to me
I feel like I am that
Midnight flower
Blooming when nobody sees
It comes in waves
I can’t distinguish the positive
I don’t know why I’m shaking

Just stop

Friends and picnics
Reiterate my inclusion
Big groups still provide
A halt
To happiness
My petals curl into themselves
And I have to go lie down
Stop laughing without me
At least you’re not laughing about me

My loneliness is now on the back pedal of my brain
It cycles incessantly
Like myself
A successful bike journey is when I don’t get knocked down
This stomach pain is mixing with tears
I want to hurt again but
I don’t know why
Maybe it’s to shut off the knolls
It’s 12
The halfway point
Happiness overpowered by guilt has now become the norm
Push off the power –

…

I can’t afford to think like this

Just stop.