Plum

*check out the photo series my wonderful friend Alex created, inspired by this poem, at alexandrabutron.tumblr.com* 

Get up off the pavement
Brush the dirt up off my psyche
Air Force
Green satin
Everything black
You see me?
You see me now that I’m a white
Fat
Woman
On the pavement
Figuratively
Because the only way I feel good is if I make those payments
Is if I shroud my body in white fur and leather
Would you see me if I looked good
Whatever the fucking weather
Whatever the fucking weather storming inside
My head
Whatever the fucking weather that makes getting out of bed
The most daunting task that I
Could hope to achieve
But I still have my heart tucked inside my sleeve
And I still have my heart locked inside
Beating
Trying its best despite all the shit food
We keep eating
Despite the thousands of cigarettes
That have passed through my system
Despite the green grass white powder that means I can’t listen
Anymore to the thumping pain inside my chest
My head
My heart
All you see are my fucking breasts
All you see are my fucking tits bouncing right up in your face
I wish I could cut them off and send
Us up into space
There’s so much love that I just can’t
Tap into
That I just can’t face being let out
You see me, don’t you?
So you cook me dinner but can’t seem to want to
Fuck me
Am I not your type?
I’m throwing myself upon you
I’m trying so hard to love like anyone else
But you’re making it difficult
And I’m questioning the pulse
Inside my body
Inside and out
Smothering it
Choking it
Smoking it out
I feel like a depressed sixteen year old girl again
A girl incapable of allowing herself
To give her body up to men
Scared of the rejection
Scared of the lust
Scared of their huge hands groping her adolescent bust

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