It was 00:03 when I found the lump.
Lying face down
Right hand on upper right breast
Left hand under my pillow.
That was when I found the lump in my throat.
It clogged me up
Restricting air and sleep
No longer a foreign feeling.
The pills kept it from developing into fully-blown emotion.
They tend to do that.
But I couldn’t swallow this swelling tumour
And it took over as I lay in bed
Desperately willing myself to get over it
To get over him
To get over them
But images accompanied this oesophageal invasion
And my brain decided at 00:03 that it would not sleep that night.
I shouldn’t feel this way.
I have no right to.
I don’t understand why the simple fact of teenage lust should make me want to relapse,
To give in to my attentive self destructing hands,
To restrict myself from any food or company,
Go on. Kiss her. I dare you.